Hi Friends,
As we continue to build our community we get to hear comments and insights from more and more
people from all over the world on how they are living their best lives.
Today, we have Vincent here to share his 3
Tips for Dealing With Insecurity. It’s an interesting read! Even the most
beautiful of people have to deal with insecurity… take it away Vincent!
It
was three in the morning and we were in a parking lot talking together. It was
her last night in California before she would move several states away. She was
doing the same thing I was doing, leaving the comfort of where she grew up to
start a new adventure in a foreign state.
She
was different from me because I had looked at moving as a new adventure where I
could test my adaptability. She was scared and afraid of adapting to a new
environment where she knew no one and she was worried no one would like her.
We
were exchanging stories when she told me about a guy at school who had asked
for her number very awkwardly. “I avoided that area for weeks because I felt
bad and didn’t want to run into him. That was the first time a guy ever
approached me like that.”
I
raised an eyebrow and said, “What? You can’t be serious!”
“What?”
she asked, not even able to look me in the eye with confidence.
“It’s
just… I’m surprised because you are very beautiful so I figured guys approached
you all the time.” I meant it too. I didn’t know this girl too well and this
was our first time hanging out together, but she was honestly the most
beautiful girl I knew.
What
surprised me even more is when we got to talking about something a bit more
serious. She told me, “I have social anxiety. When I’m talking to people I
constantly worry about what they think of me so I end up not saying anything.”
I’ve
heard the same concerns from many people before. Even the most beautiful girl I
know worries about what people think about her.
At
that moment, I was taken aback. I used to be like that too and I used to be in
my head all the time trying to validate myself to others.
Then
I decided to tell her a secret, my secret. The trick that got me out of my head
and allowed me to care less about what others thought.
“You
know, almost everyone has this fear. Everyone is worrying about how others see
them. The truth is, no one thinks about
anyone else too often because they’re too busy worrying about what others’
think about them. We all care and think
about ourselves so often that we rarely have time to think about anyone else.”
Is
that not true? Sure, people on occasion will make comments and naturally judge
you based off of how you present yourself, but no one lingers on the thought
all day. Throughout the day, they’re too busy worrying about how they will be
presenting themselves.
When
you’re meeting someone new you don’t automatically default into looking for the
negatives. People always want to make a new friend so they’re secretly rooting for you to be
awesome. They’re not thinking
of how awful you can be nor are they conspiring against you.
Think
about how often you think about other people. Do you really think about anyone
else that often? No, you’re in your own head most of the time, right?
This
is what I told this girl, this beautiful girl who despite her stunning looks is
worried that others will not like her. I know looks isn’t everything, but people usually look at
physically attractive individuals as the ones who don’t have to worry about
what others think.
Everyone
is in his or her own head, even the most beautiful. The people who are ahead of
the game are those who realize that it doesn’t matter… or those that know
people don’t think too much about them.
Here are three tips to help you in dealing
with insecurity.
1. Remind yourself that everyone is the
protagonist of his or her own story.
You’re
a side character in their story and that’s a very liberating fact. Everyone
that passes by you is a side character in yours, if that helps you get perspective
on how you fit into other people.
Sure,
you make a difference and play a role, but the majority of the brainpower they
use goes into thinking about themselves. They struggle with the same insecurity
you do, so trust me when I say they’re not thinking about you as much as you
think.
2. Ask yourself if you’ll be worrying about
this a week/month/year from right now.
The
scary thing about worry is that it disables us from making things happen in the
present moment. That person you wanted to talk to but didn’t? Imagine what your
life could be like if you said hi. That worry of what they think of you is
temporary. Ask yourself will you be worrying about this a week, month, or year
from now.
If
the answer is no, then why waste time worrying about it now? If you extinguish
the insecurity right now then it frees you to do what you want. If you take
action, you open the door to possibilities. If you listen to a feeling of
anxiety that only lasts in the moment, you close the doors.
3. Humanize your feelings.
It’s
easy to feel alone in your emotions because you don’t realize that just about
everyone shares these feelings with you. It helps to picture thousands, if not
millions, of other people on this planet feeling the exact same emotion as you at this very moment. It’s not weird, it’s
not crazy, and it’s human. Sometimes knowing that other people are feeling the
same pain as you allows you to accept that pain and perhaps even let go.
And finally, we sign off quoting:
"Don't let insecurity ruin the beauty you were born with!"
Cheers!
